More Political Football

I am enjoying the election but sometimes I find myself gasping for intellectual oxygen in the rarefied strata of heavy-duty political debate. With that in mind I have dumbed the whole process down, shoehorning it roughshod into a cheap football analogy – the Premiership title race:

So we have the Reds, competing for an unprecedented fourth consecutive victory, but struggling since their inspirational right-winger left to find greater riches on foreign shores. Are heavily reliant on their dour Scots manager, who is famed for his redoubtable work ethic, notorious temper, and fervent distaste for anything to do with Margaret Thatcher.

Then we have the Blues, the rich boys from West London, have improved this term but have spluttered a bit for form of late. Have fared better since they changed their tactics to channel play through the centre as opposed to the right. Dubious origins of funding have raised question marks over probity.

The Yellows (in away colours anyway), everyone’s favourite second team. Are traditionally considered too lightweight to mount a challenge, but have surprised everyone with their stamina in the race. Led by an erudite manager who frequently rails against the dirtier practices of the game. No-one really expects them to win – do they?

All of which nonsense leaves Tottenham cast as the BNP. Predominately white and hateful. Sorry. I’m a West Ham fan – it’s in the contract.