Harris Sportsthoughts

Thoughts about Sport

Seconds Out: It’s Ten Rounds With Alliss

with one comment

Judging by the BBC coverage of the Masters, the clouds of emnity that gathered over the relationship between Peter Alliss and Gary Lineker may have parted somewhat. But I suspect that their uneasy alliance is merely borne of professionalism as opposed to a newfound chumminess. The vaguely patronising avuncularity of the older man and young Lineker’s (as Alliss calls him) training-ground banter are a combination as well suited as a Woods-Mickelson foursome pairing. When Lineker explained that the over-running of the golf had delayed the episode of Robin Hood due to be shown next, he dared compare Alliss to Friar Tuck. The chunter that emanated from the commentary box was almost visible. It’s the ultimate chunter-banter conflict if you like.

Their battle is part of a bigger war, the skirmishes of which have been waged in the clubhouses of this land for decades now. It’s a class war. A bloody civil war between the middle classes. The two sides fall in regularly at the golf course.

The Alliss tribe cravenly sip their whiskey macs around a small table on the verandah. They talk of many things: the weather, dear old George’s gout, the inevitable decline of this country. But mainly they look over with suspicion in the direction of the Linekers.

The Linekers gather in the spike bar around the fruit machines. They insult each other loudly while necking Heineken. And eating crisps of course.

The Allisses think that the Linekers’ socks are too short. And they don’t like their plans for an extension to the clubhouse for a jacuzzi. And then there was that incident when a Lineker Audi was found parked in the secretary’s spot.

The Linekers pay little heed to the Allisses, but often take delight in firing a three-wood up the backsides of an Alliss fourball if they are playing a little too slow.

All this of course infers that the only root of Peter Alliss’ mistrust of Gary Lineker is inveterate old snobbery. He may just think that Lineker is a rubbish golf anchor. Which he is. His matey charm translates from the Match Of The Day studio to the Butler Cabin as wooden “tryhardism”.

In fairness to Lineker, as successor to Steve Rider he had some big shoes to fill. Nice deck shoes and a well-tailored pair of chinos actually. Now there is a man with class.


Written by harrisharrison

April 13, 2009 at 8:02 pm

One Response

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  1. I can’t believe you’re slagging off Alliss – who’s next – Blowers?


    April 14, 2009 at 7:00 pm

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