Harris Sportsthoughts

Thoughts about Sport

Mark Ravin’ Ramprakash

with one comment

Mark Ramprakash’s middle name is Ravin. Given his Guyanese parentage I presume that this is said like Rahvin, as opposed to Rayvin, although he may better served by the latter pronunciation. Not only because Mark Raving Ramprakash makes him sound like an ancient blues singer but it also gives lie to his placid exterior. Because deep in the Ramps core there is a large batholith of molten rage that can erupt at any second.

Let me give you some anecdotal evidence. I can write this without fear of libel because a) it’s true, my friend told me and b) if you can launch a defence based on a paucity of readers then I have a watertight case.

While he was still at Surrey Rikki Clarke celebrated his birthday with a film-themed fancy dress party. As host of the party, Clarke went to uncommon lengths to enter into the spirit of proceedings. He hired a hilarious Dr.Evil costume but also employed a dwarf to follow him around and act as his Mini-Me. I always knew that Clarke was a renaissance man at heart.

Anyway, as the festivities wore on Clarke’s tiny sidekick sipped one too many of his master’s lagers and wandered off in search of his own fun. Mini-Me was obviously a tactile sort, because he embarked on a tour of the venue sampling the finest that womankind had to offer in the way of posterior flesh. I’m told that the diminutive stature of a dwarf lends itself particularly well to this kind of operation.

It’s here though that Mini-Me made a tactical error. He headed over in the vicinity of one Vandana Ramprakash in order to take his handful of her rear. Yes, that’s Ramps’ wife. And when Ramps saw the gross assault that was being inflicted on the person of his beloved he took the course any right-minded husband would do in those circumstances. He picked up the dwarf. And threw him. Against the nearest wall. Poor old Mini-Me was now well and truly plastered.

Now let’s just pitch forward to Thursday at the Oval and Ramps is batting. Ricky Ponting is in his ear and overextends on his sledging. Ponting could be that dwarf. And I reckon he might have something legitimate to say about ‘the spirit of the game’.

So maybe it’s all for the good that Jonathon Trott has been selected for the final Test. As far as I’m aware, he’s never tossed a dwarf in anger.


Written by harrisharrison

August 15, 2009 at 9:44 am

One Response

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  1. Nobody tosses a dwarf! (Except for Ramps) 😛


    August 16, 2009 at 7:39 am

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