The Fairway Sex
News broke today that a hot Swedish blonde was seen leaving Tiger Wood’s home in the early hours of the morning. It turned out to be his mother-in-law. The ambiguous headline was either the product of some wonky journalism or a plot twist in this golfing saga worthy of an Eastenders Christmas special.
The British contingent of golfers must eye the deluge of press afforded to the escapades of their American colleague with disbelief. It seems vaguely improbable that any of this country’s professionals would create such a splash across the nation’s papers for any reason, least of all their exploits on the fairways.
A quarter of the world’s Top 20 are British. It’s a fact which should be celebrated when you consider the immense globality of the sport but it struggles to raise even polite applause. If a tennis player reaches the world’s Top 100 then it’s cause for a ticker-tape extravaganza in Trafalgar Square.
Paul Lawrie was our last major winner in 1999, since when he slunk off to the obscurity of the lower reaches of the European Order of Merit. He could have sex with a goat and no-one would bat an eyelid. Except maybe the goat.
Nick Faldo is the only golfer from these shores who has crossed over into the wider public scope: through a combination of a hefty major haul and some off-links hi-jinks with the ladies, including a prototype car-battering incident with a jilted wife. It seems that when Faldo handed over the green jacket when Tiger won his first major at Augusta, he may have left his little black book in the inside pocket.
So Faldo has created the blueprint for the modern British golfer: win some majors, indulge in some high-level love-rattery. Rory, it’s over to you.