Harris Sportsthoughts

Thoughts about Sport

Tiger and Gubba Sitting In A Tree…

with 5 comments

My friend is organising a charity dinner and has enlisted my help in sourcing an appropriate after-dinner speaker. During my research I stumbled up this unusual coupling on an “online entertainment bureau”: legendary US golfing champion Tiger Woods and Tony Gubba, one of the best-known voices of British sport and ITV’s Dancing On Ice:

I like to think that at least one events planner has weighed up these two options against each other just because they are juxtaposed on the page. “I think Tiger would attract a lot of interest but he’s quite pricy at £100k+, whereas Gubba is a lot cheaper so we could spend the money we save on a bouncy castle”.

It’s probably moot anyway, because I don’t think Tiger is available for personal appearances having holed himself up in his sex hospital for the foreseeable. I wonder what one of these clinics look like. Probably very neutral and filled with things that couldn’t possibly be considered a sexual stimulus: biros, egg poachers, Volvo user manuals and wee Jimmy Krankie.

And who wants Tiger to speak after your supper anyway? The most interesting thing about his speech on Friday was that he’d nicked the back curtain from the White House. At a conservative estimate you could get 50 Gubbas for the cost of one Tiger.

Imagine the infinite possibilities of that. An 50-night Gubba residency. Gubba in the Park. The Summer of Gub. Gubstock.


Written by harrisharrison

February 22, 2010 at 8:52 pm

5 Responses

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  1. I wouldn’t hire Gubba if he paid me £5k. I think you’ll find Tiger’s curtain was actually borrowed from David Lynch’s props cupboard.


    February 22, 2010 at 10:53 pm

  2. Ever read a Volvo User Manual ? Steamy.


    February 23, 2010 at 6:17 pm

    • Look under my mattress.


      February 24, 2010 at 9:01 am

  3. ‘things that couldn’t possibly be considered a sexual stimulus: biros, egg poachers, Volvo user manuals and wee Jimmy Krankie’ oh no, my mind has taken that statement as a challenge.


    March 3, 2010 at 9:13 am

  4. One at a time or simultaneously?


    March 3, 2010 at 1:18 pm

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