I’ve got the binoculars trained on Craig Kieswetter this morning as he makes his England debut. It’s making me feel a bit nauseous seeing as the television is only four yards away.
First up for Kieswetter is an interview with Bumble, who is rolling out his new Paxman impression by grilling the young man with queries such as how long he’s wanted to play for England for and does he know Alistair Cook. I’m not sure if this last one is trick question, Bumble hoping to trip up Kieswetter and get him to blurt out ‘Graeme Smith’. Turns out that he does know who Cook is. He’s the England captain.
Kieswetter is not keeping today. It must be weird for a gloveman to be relieved of his duties in this way. Like a budgie released from his cage to fly around the front room. He must be very disoriented. In fact he has just been sick on the outfield.
Kieswetter is fielding at midwicket and touches the ball for the first time. He winces a bit. It hurts without gloves.
Eoin Morgan drops a dolly. I always feel much better when one of my colleagues shells one because it means that when I do I won’t be the only one. I’m sure Kieswetter feels the same.
Kieswetter fields. He has 87 on his back. To make sure that he is unlucky to Australians at all times.
Kieswetter runs in vain after the ball to the midwicket boundary. He looks exhausted.
Kieswetter takes one at square leg. He looked a bit surprised. I love this guy. He’s brilliant. I don’t know why people get so het up about his heritage. His mother is Scottish. You don’t get more English than that.
Kieswetter isn’t in the game much now. He needs a Red Bull to make sure he doesn’t drop off.
Matt Prior effects a neat caught behind – stumping combo as if to say “fuck you Kieswetter, these gloves are mine.”
Kieswetter fails to cut one off at deep point. I think he might have been asleep.
Bangladesh sneak two to Kieswetter at midwicket. He’d wasted time throwing off a phantom glove.
Everybody is bowling now. When’s Kieswetter going to get a go?
Bangladesh all out for 228. Captain Cook trots over to Kieswetter to wake him up. He has to bat now.
Wow. Mashrafe got fat.
Cook gives up on trying to get all the runs himself handing Kieswetter the chance to face his first ball. Against spin. It’s pushed into short extra cover. As is the second one. Boring. His first runs come off edge which nutmegs the keeper. Close. He’s trapped in front on the last ball of the over. Umpire says not out. Two lives gone in five balls. At least he’s lucky.
Down the pitch to Mashrafe and caressed through the covers on the up for four. More like it. Kieswetter is brilliant. I love South Africans.
Kieswetter’s only faced 13 balls so far. He’s in danger of nodding off again. Except that he twats one down the ground. He’s definitely awake.
Kieswetter looks exhausted already. All that running around can take it out of you.
Oh. He’s out. Needlessly stumped. Kieswetter is rubbish. I hate South Africans.
Here comes Pietersen. Love Pietersen.