Harris Sportsthoughts

Thoughts about Sport

ICC World Twenty20 Final Misinformed Preview: Australia

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They say that should a nuclear apocalypse befall the world the only survivors will be cockroaches and Australian cricketers. The proved their resilience on Friday. I was out to dinner, relying on the internet inside my friend’s phone. We told him to sheath it at 68-4 after 10, safe in the knowledge that the Australians had been finally vanquished, but when he told us the eventual result, I spat out my pudding. Made a right Eton Mess of my trousers. Anyway, I digress. Here are the player profiles for the probable line-up for today’s final:

David Warner: If the Australian cricket team were a lovable bunch of street urchins, then he’d be the little chippy one they call ‘Rat’, who they send down manholes and stuff. If they were a crew of a World War 2 bomber, then he’d be the one stationed in the little ball thing on the undercarriage. He’s small, basically.

Shane Watson: Has the same beady-eyed intensity as Patrick Swayze in Point Break. Probably knows what end of a surfboard to hold. Deserves kudos for that if nothing else.

Brad Haddin: Will never replace Adam Gilchrist. Seems to have realised this and is now trying to replace Ian Healy instead.

Michael Clarke: Has a strike rate of 74.71 in this tournament, which means that he may as well not bother. The most entertaining thing about his time at the crease is watching the faces of the rest of his team in the bus shelter and wondering if one of them will finally stand up and tell him to get out – the ultimate cricketing taboo.

David Hussey: The more horse-faced of the Hussey brothers. Seems destined to live permanently in the shadow of the human-faced Michael.

Cameron White: Hits the ball quite hard. Has hit nearly twice as many sixes as fours in the competition. Well done Cameron.

Michael Hussey: Undoubtedly the best no.7 in international Twenty20 cricket. Seems a bit more cuddly than his brother. If the Husseys were the Miliband brothers, then Mike would be Ed and David would be er, David.

Steve Smith: Has a disagreeably pudgy face, that looks like it has grown up telling Donald ‘Flathead’ Fisher to ‘rack off’.

Mitchell Johnson: Like Stuart Broad, has had the new ball kept away from him. Should be reminded that in Twenty20 cricket that the ball is always new.

Shaun Tait: Sometimes gets it right, sometimes gets it hilariously wrong. An economy rate of 4.98 throughout the tournament suggests that he has mainly got it right this time round.

Dirk Nannes: The Australian that everybody is allowed to like, although the tales of his extra-cricket activities are beginning to pall. I like him because he looks like my friend Steve.

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