Harris Sportsthoughts

Thoughts about Sport

A Hate/Hate Thing

with 4 comments

My friend Bonald is an England fan who has lost his appetite for Ashes cricket. Like an elderly monk who loses his faith on his deathbed, it potentially couldn’t have happened at a worse time. Bonald hopes that England will lose the opening match in order to reignite his interest. It’s roughly equivalent to punching yourself in the face just to feel alive. He’s also keen for Doug Bollinger to inspire the Australians at the Gabba.

If Bollinger isn’t selected tomorrow, then Peter Siddle will play instead. Both men are vital for Bonald and most England fans in stirring such a loathing that vanquishing them becomes paramount. Bollinger and Siddle share that brusque, angry, whingey way of playing of cricket, but it’s not just attitudinal flaws that gets up the nose, it’s also an aesthetic thing. Bollinger with his red face like a puking baby with his silly little baby wig. And Siddle with his self-regarding facial hair and offensive dentistry.

If this isn’t persuasive enough, then try looking at the below photo and then shoving your fingers down your gullet, inducing Pavlovian waves of nausea every time Bollinger appears on your screen. Once you start actively disliking these people you might start enjoying it, like a hobby. You’ll keep a picture of them on your bedside table just so the last thing you do before you go to sleep at night is hate Peter Siddle a bit. Just don’t be too overenthusiastic, you’ll end up simply liking them.



Written by harrisharrison

November 23, 2010 at 7:46 pm

4 Responses

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  1. Does the name of this mystery man rhyme with Forge Joster?


    November 23, 2010 at 10:14 pm

  2. Indeed. It wouldn’t do to out his unenthusiasm given his line of work.


    November 23, 2010 at 10:30 pm

  3. If Bonald had a twitter account it would say “Bonald is thinking – be careful what you wish for”

    The fact that I jumped up from the sofa and shouted “f*ck of back to the pavilion” when Watto was out last night makes me realise I care.


    November 27, 2010 at 1:18 am

    • I don’t write that many hateful posts. Now I know why.


      November 27, 2010 at 8:54 am

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