Archive for May 2014
We’ve had a comment in from Joe Bloggs in response to an admittedly banal post I wrote about two years regarding the amount of traffic the blog was receiving from visitors typing in “Hazel Irvine tits” into search engines.
“Shut the fuck up you knob. so what we want to see a womens tits. Women dont show them on purpose to winde men up? no? Apart from breast feeding thats what their there for. What women dont look at mens arses on snooker or football? or Linford Christies willie. Go back to your Nunnery or monastery and bible bash a bit more”.
It’s great to hear from you, Joe!
It’s actually quite thrilling to be trolled in this way, properly trolled with swearing and poor grammar and everything, not like my mum trolls me. I think of it as a badge of honour.
It is my belief that Joe (if that is his real name) happened accidentally upon the post in the genuine search for images of Hazel Irvine’s naked breasts. In the hot flush of shame at being rumbled he may not have detected the trace of sarcasm in my words, unable to spot the faux-puritanism.
What Joe also doesn’t realise is that as the master of this blog, I have full editorial approval over comments sent in and can tweak them as I see fit. So I’ve edited Joe’s comment, changing the spelling and punctuation and all of the words and the entire meaning.
It now reads:
“Hiya! Great post! Funny thing is that I’m a big fan of Hazel Irvine myself. In fact I’ve cut a picture of her face out of a copy of the Radio Times and glued it into a doll I stole from my niece. I call her Wee Hazel Irvine. She’s my best friend. We go on adventures together in my mum’s garden and sometimes even on the pavement outside her house. We like to punch trees and chase next-door’s cat. Mum shouts at Wee Hazel and me because she says that I should get a job. But there’s plenty of time for that. I’m only 33!!!”
It’s probably highly unethical to change his comment in this way and I’ve probably violated his freedom of speech. But he can’t complain too much because I’ve showcased his original comment by framing it within an entire post. Plus the grammar is much better now.
I’m off to find a nun so we can abhor some shit together.