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ICC World Twenty20 Final Misinformed Preview: England

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So far I haven’t commented on the fact that for the first time since 2004, England are performing well at an international limited overs competition. It’s a vaguely indigestible truth. Now I’ve managed to work it free from a back molar, I can try and talk about it:

Michael Lumb: Known by some of his team-mates as ‘Michael Dumb’. To be fair, he does look a bit glassy-eyed. Probably gives lie to CollyFlower’s claim that every England player is now thinking for himself. In Lumb’s case, this is probably a good thing. See ball, hit ball. Running between the wickets seems a bit taxing for him though.

Craig Kieswetter: Looks like a young Julius Caesar.

Kevin Pietersen: Does anybody know what Pietersen’s baby is called? Not sure why I’m so interested. Anyone who grumbled that Pietersen should be dropped at any point in the last year should not be allowed to watch cricket again.

Paul Collingwood: Is in a similar trough of form to his Australian counterpart, Michael Clarke. Seems that telling your players to think for themselves is more arduous than previously thought. At least he has the decency to get himself out before placing too much strain on the run-rate.

Eoin Morgan: Has been heralded by David Lloyd as the only reason England is any good now. Can’t imagine he’s strutting around the dressing room though lauding it over his team-mates though. Seems impervious to anything thrown at him. Including balls.

Luke Wright: Has an everyman quality of looking a bit rubbish, which also makes him easy to underestimate. Plays with a slight grimace on his face that makes me think he’s always a little bit constipated. Runs like he’s heading into a hurricane.

Tim Bresnan: More Yorkshire than Last Of The Summer Wine and tea. Give him a staff and leather jerkin, and he’s a Merry Man.

Michael Yardy: Has suspiciously lustrous hair. I wonder if he has paid a visit to the Advanced Hair Studio. I’d like to to go there some day, just to see all the pictures of cricketers on the wall. Yardy possibly jealous of Ryan Sidebottom (see below).

Graeme Swann: Likes shouting at Stuart Broad if he cocks up the field.

Stuart Broad: Likes shouting at Graeme Swann if he cocks up in the field.

Ryan Sidebottom: Worst hair in cricket. Pet of Andy Flower. In fairness, he has achieved the nifty feat of making us forget who Jimmy Anderson is. Likes shouting at anybody if they cock up in the field.


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